The Big Day Brew-HaHa Read online

“Yep.”

  “Clare’s the one getting married. Why am I getting a gift?” For standing up, we’d already received a lifetime supply of free tea and bakery from Bigfoot Café, along with a charming little carving that Niall had made of a… Well, we hadn’t figured out what it was yet.

  “Close your eyes.”

  “Okay. But are you sure we have time for this, what with everyone waiting and—”

  “Open them.”

  Croak.

  I leaped back, facing a déjà vu moment. Or rather a green, squishy thing. Thank heavens I didn’t pass out this time.

  “Aww, how sweet is this?” Clare beamed even brighter. “I knew it was meant to be.”

  “My gift is a… frog?”

  “Not just any frog,” Violet said. “He’s your familiar.”

  “What?”

  “Your familiar. It’s a witch’s companion in magic.”

  “I know what a familiar is. I’m not that hopeless. But why do I need one?”

  “Every good witch has a familiar.”

  “You don’t.”

  “That’s because one hasn’t chosen me yet. It’ll happen. You can’t rush these things.”

  I peered into his bulging eyes. He blinked. Upper lid. Lower lid. Yep, déjà vu all over again. And again. And again. And again.

  “But this one didn’t choose me either.”

  “Maybe that can be the first lesson he teaches her,” Clare said. “To pay better attention.”

  I stared at Sage, who just shrugged.

  “For the past month, this little guy has been following you around, but you didn’t notice.”

  “I’m supposed to notice one frog out of a gazillion? They’re everywhere now,” I said to Violet.

  “Yes, when it’s your familiar you should. He chose you, and we were just waiting for you to take heed of that and claim him. Obviously, you didn’t and needed our help.”

  “But…” He hopped onto my shoulder.

  “Aww, they’re bonded.” Clare clapped. “Don’t you love him? And we all knew how much you missed having a frog around, even if you wouldn’t admit it.”

  “Are you in on this too?” I asked Sage.

  “No. I mean it’s pretty cool and all, but I didn’t notice him stalking you or anything. Now, if a black-eyed Susan started peeking in your window…”

  I shook my head. “I already have a spirit animal. Mom said it’s a fire lizard.” That was why Max Harper, the spotted salamander Griffin and I had saved when we were kids, hung around and helped me when needed.

  Violet sighed. “Those are two different things. I thought you said you knew about familiars?”

  “I said I knew what it was. I don’t know everything about them.”

  “Obviously, we have a lot to teach you.”

  Obviously.

  I checked him out, sitting all prim and proper on my shoulder. He didn’t look the type to get into trouble like the last one, and he certainly was cute.

  “Not to be ungrateful or anything, but why are we doing this now? Couldn’t it have waited until after the ceremony?”

  “No, it had to be before,” Clare said. “He’s walking down the aisle with you.”

  “He’s… walking? What, are we supposed to link arms or…?”

  “It’s just so beautiful. Ohhh!” Clare flapped her hands again.

  “Now what’d I say?”

  Bettina pulled her away. “I’m so, so sorry. Samm is making you cry again. Let’s get that makeup fixed before your big moment.”

  “So, what’s his name?” I asked, patting his head.

  “You tell me.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “When he’s ready, he’ll tell you.”

  “Um, this isn’t a talking frog, is it? Because I had enough issues with—”

  “Oh, Samm.” Violet clicked her tongue. “One of these days…”

  “I have a lot to learn. I know. That’s no big secret.”

  “And I’ll teach you everything I know; don’t you worry about that. Now that you’re home, it’ll all fall back into place.”

  “It hasn’t yet.” At one time that would’ve been cause for celebration, but now… it left me with a weird hollow feeling. What if I had missed my witch window?

  “It will.” She put her hand on my other shoulder and looked me in the eye. “I have the knowledge, but you, Samm, you have the instinct. Can you just imagine how amazing and powerful you’ll be with both? And my vow is to help you get there.”

  “I appreciate that, but—”

  “No buts. Don’t you realize how strong you are? Stronger than me. Stronger than Mom, even.” I pursed my lips at that. “And that’s with majorly slacking off on your studies and then actively pushing away your gifts for thirteen years. You’re like the kid who plays at Carnegie Hall after never lifting a finger to practice a day in her life.”

  “Okay, now you’re pushing it.”

  Although, I had to admit it also gave me the warm fuzzies. There wasn’t a hint of jealousy or cattiness in her voice. She seriously believed in me and was proud to say it.

  “And don’t forget you also have The Sight,” Sage snuck in.

  “Yeah, thanks.” Like I was going to forget that I saw dead people anytime soon.

  “I saw, rather heard, the way you handled Aquillon—”

  “Aquillon?” Sage asked.

  “Remind us to fill you in on our little adventure later,” I told her.

  “As I was saying, you were shaking in your heels when coming up against that scorpion—”

  “Scorpion?”

  “But you stood your ground anyway. You had no clue what to do, but you let it come naturally and then you dealt with it. You showed him your purple hair—”

  “Ah, so that’s why it looks like you rented it out to a family of rats.” I narrowed my eyes. “Just kidding. It’s woodsy.”

  “Anyway,” Violet continued, flashing Sage a look as well. “You portrayed yourself as a powerful witch because that is what you are. Because that is what your instincts urged you to do, and more importantly, you followed them. I cannot wait to see what you’ll be capable of with just a little more training.”

  “I appreciate all this. I really do. But…” Her smile was so radiant, my heart melted. If only I could have a fraction of the confidence she had in me. “I love you, Sis.”

  “I love you too, Samm.”

  “It wasn’t just me, you know. That charmed herb gave me strength. I knew I was protected.”

  “Yeah, about that… I didn’t actually charm anything.”

  “What?”

  “I mean, I did give you Artemisia dracunculus—”

  “Ooh, good choice,” Sage interrupted.

  “Which is protective in its own right, but I wasn’t going to risk saying something wrong when I’m still a bit rusty. Remember the blue—”

  “Yes, Violet. The royal blue to cobalt earring crisis. I remember.”

  “Well, I wasn’t going to mess anything up, that’s for sure. What if I would’ve accidentally turned the herb against you instead?”

  “I don’t think you have to worry about a leaf attacking me.”

  “But I could’ve made you more attractive to harm.”

  I sighed. If I was shortchanging myself, so was she. She wasn’t nearly as rusty as she believed. “So, what was the thing you said over it, then?”

  “Um, to be completely honest, I just recited my grocery list.”

  I opened my mouth, but Sage snagged my arm before I could retort back with something. “Let’s go.” She grabbed Violet’s as well. “It’s showtime.”

  We all shuffled out of the room, having no clue what was next. Except for Clare. I really hoped she had a plan.

  “All right, everyone,” Clare said, blowing us kisses. “Wish me luck. You all can follow when you feel the time is right.”

  “What does that mean and—you’re going first?”

  “Blossom? It’s time, sweetie. Where are you?�
��

  I inspected the rafters and covered Frog’s head, expecting Clare’s saber-toothed cat to come leaping out at any moment.

  Sage handed Clare her bouquet. “Good luck.”

  “How is Francesca doing?” I whispered.

  “As chill as a morning glory in the moonlight.”

  “That’s good, right?”

  MEEEOW!

  Blossom vaulted over the altar, coming from who knew where, and raced down the aisle into Clare’s arms.

  “Is that…?” It was. Huh. A Catzilla bride. Blossom wore a veil, and Clare wasn’t even wearing one, opting instead for a crown of flowers and twigs.

  “She insisted,” Clare said. “Sometimes she can be such a diva.”

  “Meow.”

  “I didn’t miss it, did I?” Mr. Callahan strolled into the chapel, steady as could be. As if he hadn’t just hurled himself into the wedding cake a few hours before.

  “No, Great-Great-Grandfather. You’re right on time.”

  She looped her arm through his, and they twirled up the aisle, Blossom’s veil spinning around.

  After doing another scan of the guests, I asked, “Did Sal ever come back?”

  Sage shook her head, then shrugged like it was no biggie. Like it wasn’t akin to someone coming along and kicking her favorite tree.

  “I was thinking, and you know, I bet this whole time it wasn’t really him who was interested in me, it was that stamen-sucking Kieran.”

  “Did Sal ever act like a… um, stamen-sucker?”

  “No.”

  “Then it wasn’t Kieran. You have to believe it was all Sal. Kieran may have been using him temporarily, but he wasn’t controlling him.”

  I prayed that was true. The image of Sal slurping down a bowl of mushrooms popped into my head, but I kicked it out.

  “He’ll come back. I promise.”

  She humphed. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway. Let’s just focus on Clare and—Mrs. Swanson, are you all right?”

  The sweet, sane lady I knew and loved appeared to be back to her normal self, except for the repulsed face she was making.

  “Oh yes, I’m fine.” She pulled a napkin from her purse and wiped down her tongue with it. “It’s just the strangest thing. My mouth tastes like I licked an ashtray.”

  “Yes, that is strange, Mrs. Swanson.”

  She turned back around in her pew, and Sage and I stifled a giggle.

  “It’s my turn now,” Bettina said. “Sorry to bother you, but do I look okay? Do I look like a suitable maid of honor?”

  I gave her a thumbs-up. “You look marvelous.”

  She smiled wide, then skipped down the aisle with a red coat—the red coat—and presented it to Clare.

  Sage nudged me. “Get a load of Mike.”

  “Yeah, he looks smitten, all right.” This could get interesting. The over-apologizing, helpful-to-a-fault brownie with the pixie cut pairing up with the fresh-faced small-town cop who was so sweet and wholesome he needed his own nutritional label? Hmm. I wondered how that scenario would play out. But they both had hearts the size of a house, so I was crossing my fingers.

  “It’s just like how Damon is gazing at Violet.”

  I glanced at her, standing next to me, oblivious to anything other than the whirlybirds she was picking out of her hair.

  “And how Griffin is staring at you.”

  I looked at him, and he gave me a full smile. Swoon. “Well, it is a wedding. Love is in the air.”

  “Yeah.”

  Dang it. I shouldn’t have said that. “Did Bettina mention anything about what happened?” I asked, changing the subject. I watched as she placed the sacred red coat over Clare’s shoulders. She was going to say her vows in a winter coat?

  “Only that Bob—”

  “Balthazar. That’s his real name.”

  “Eww. That’s creepy.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it.”

  “So, the satyr just set her down and said she was free to go. She left the lake, and all the non-magical guests followed her back. I don’t think they even remember anything.”

  I nodded. Mrs. Swanson was a testament to that. “When do you think we should go up there?”

  “You should go now,” Violet said.

  “Why me?”

  “Not just you. Your frog too.”

  “Go.” Sage elbowed me. “Violet and I will follow.”

  “Okay.” Why not? It seemed as good a time as any. “But I’m doing the normal thing and walking. No twirling. No skipping. No cartwheels or anything like that.”

  “What about leaping?” Sage asked.

  “Ha-ha, very funny.”

  “And here we thought you’d be taking the leap down the aisle with another frog.”

  “Yes, Sage. You’re quite the jokester.”

  “Just go.” Violet pushed me. “They’re waiting for you.”

  I made it to the end without tripping over a pumpkin or getting stampeded by a zombie doll horde or any of the other common Bigfoot Bay burrs in the backside. I predicted it was going to be smooth sailing from here on out.

  Brring.

  The place went silent, everyone scrutinizing everyone else to see who was inconsiderate enough to leave a phone on during a wedding ceremony. I nibbled on my bottom lip. Why hadn’t I left that thing at home?

  Of course, all eyes ended up on Griffin, since he was holding my purse. “Um, just let it ring,” I said. “Sorry. Carry on.”

  The officiant busted out a hearty laugh. Clare and Niall seemed unbothered too. Okay, no harm done. I needn’t have worried; a ringing cell phone on this day was the least of what could—and did—go wrong.

  I guessed my place and stood beside Bettina. Clare could move me if she needed. Hmm. That officiant sure did look familiar, and not just from the box of lucky cereal I ate that morning in honor of the wedding.

  “Top o’ the mornin’ to ya, Samm!” he said. “And what a grand morn tis too, all thanks to yerself.” He gestured to Clare and Niall. “See what ye did. Fostering goodwill between the elemental kingdoms brang about a blessed union, it did.”

  Of course! Finbarr O’Sullivan. I remembered him now. From the Gnome Coalition. Not that this perfect archetype of an Irish shoemaker was as common as a frog around here, but I thought perhaps Niall had hired someone in costume. I should have known better.

  I glanced over in time to watch Violet and Sage get ready to begin their walk, positioning Mr. McGuinness between them. Aww. Niall’s uncle. He’d actually left his pub for the special event. It was a lucky day.

  Just before they took their first step, Sal slipped through the chapel door with a large bundle in his arms. My over-the-moon face must’ve given it away because Sage and Violet swung around, yanking Mr. McGuinness with them.

  I couldn’t stop grinning when tough ol’ Sal handed Sage a massive bouquet of flowers bigger than Clare’s. He took a seat in the last pew, and Sage faced forward again, shining so brightly she could’ve been my frog’s heat lamp.

  “Told you he’d come back,” I whispered when she came up beside me.

  Bells started ringing all around us.

  “Let us begin.”

  Clare and Niall held out their arms and joined hands. Wait, this was it up here? Niall didn’t have a best man or groomsmen? It was possible his uncle was filling all the roles. Was that customary in a leprechaun wedding?

  “Blessed be this union—”

  Croak.

  “Shhh,” I told the frog. “Sorry, again. Carry on.”

  “Blessed be this union with love and laughter.” Mr. O’Sullivan began wrapping a cord around their hands. “Blessed be this—”

  Brring.

  I hung my head. Maybe it was also customary to get interrupted repeatedly during the ceremony. Maybe it was good luck. That would be nice.

  As soon as it shut up, Mr. O’Sullivan continued. “Blessed be this union with hearth and home. Blessed be—”

  BRRING!

  “Oh, for goddess�
� sake.” Violet stormed into the aisle. “This is why we shouldn’t have cell phones.”

  “Violet,” I hissed. “Get back here.”

  “You’re gonna have to answer it eventually.”

  “No. I. Don’t,” I answered through clenched teeth while smiling. I could not believe this was happening right now.

  “Excuse me, excuse me.” She squeezed past the people in the pew. “What if it’s Mom? She could be calling to wish them congratulations.”

  “Then she can do it afterward.”

  Violet stopped by Griffin and yanked the phone out of my purse, never even checking the screen. “Hello?” She spun around. “They’re asking for Triple S.”

  “Then it’s obviously a wrong number.” My jaw was wired so tight, it was gonna snap. “Hang up.”

  “What’s that?” she said into the phone. “Yeah, we’ll take the case. Call back later with the details; we’re in the middle of a wedding.”

  She tossed the phone back in the purse and returned to the occasion. Unbelievable.

  “Blessed be this union with health and riches.” Mr. O’Sullivan paused, looking toward Griffin. When nothing rang, he continued, “Blessed be this union with peace and wisdom.” Pause.

  I flashed Frog a warning look. Do not make a sound.

  “Blessed be this union.” He wrapped the rest of the cord around their joined hands. “Now ye are bound to one another. The tie will remain unbroken as ye grow in love. May yer marriage be strong, and ye know nothing but happiness in this life and beyond.”

  Please don’t ring. Please don’t ring. Clare and Niall exchanged vows while I kept sending up silent prayers. And “take the case”? What?

  “I now pronounce ye husband and wife.”

  It’s over already?

  At the conclusion of their handfasting, everyone cheered. Whoosh! A shoe flew over Clare’s head. What the…?

  “Fer good luck,” Mr. O’Sullivan said.

  Of course.

  “Did the ceremony seem really quick to you?” Violet asked. “Even with all the disruptions… I hope they didn’t cut it short—”

  “You mean because you took a phone call during the blessing and they didn’t want you to do it again? Violet, I cannot believe you did that!”

  “Well, it was your phone that kept ringing.”

  “I told you to leave it.”

  Whoosh!

  Was that a clog? I doubted it’d be good luck if the bride got clonked in the head.